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Rebuilding your Dyspraxic Child’s Self-Esteem
By Elizabeth Kinder
What is Developmental Dyspraxia? According to
the Dyspraxia Foundation:
Developmental dyspraxia is an impairment or immaturity of the
organization of movement. It is an immaturity in the way that
the brain processes information, which results in messages not
being properly or fully transmitted. The term dyspraxia comes
from the word praxis, which means 'doing, acting'. Dyspraxia affects
the planning of what to do and how to do it. It is associated
with problems of perception, language and thought. Children with
dyspraxia may have difficulties with reading and spelling. Limited
concentration and poor listening skills, and literal use of language
may have an effect on reading and spelling ability. Poor handwriting
is one of the most common symptoms of dyspraxia. A child may read
well, but not understand some of the concepts in the language.
The child may also be reluctant to read aloud because of articulation
difficulties or because they lack self-confidence.
How does this impact your child’s self-esteem? Children
realize far before we think they do how they measure up to their
peers. Constantly trying to emulate others from birth that imitation
does not stop when they reach school age; always looking to others
to compare if they are really getting it. In fact, children with
Dyspraxia may actually use this as a strategy to ensure they have
understood what is being told to them. So their lacks of abilities
are usually very apparent to them first.
Our daughter began telling us at a very young age she couldn’t
do things. We continually praised and encouraged her in spite
of her negative self-impression. We never treated her differently
than her brother, and we felt we were doing all we could to help
her maintain a healthy level of confidence.
Much to our surprise, that level of confidence was slipping away
like grains of sand in an hour glass. We began to notice at 7
years of age her frustration when her peers would accomplish skills
faster than she. Later, she began to call herself stupid, and
she suddenly hated things that she once was truly excited about.
This began our long road to rebuilding something we could not
measure in inches or feet; we had to measure it one success at
a time. For every negative word she heard or body language she
would interpret it would take us at least a hundred positive words
to convince her she could do great things.
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Our first step in rebuilding was discussing Developmental
Dyspraxia with her and what it meant. She asked questions such
as “How did I get it?” and “Will it go away?”
We found that answering these questions directly with simple honest
answers allowed her to comprehend what we were saying and secure
with the information; she now could give a reason to why she couldn’t
do things as easy as her friends, and she realized it had nothing
to do with her perception of smart and stupid.
Secondly, as most parents would do, we poured
on the praise. Thinking we were doing a good job before, we quickly
evaluated what we were praising and why. We became mindful not
to give her a false sense of confidence. When she was younger
we didn’t address her disability afraid it would cause her
to feel defeated before she even started, adding to her self-esteem
issues. We have since discovered it actually was doing exactly
what we’d hoped to avoid. Children know when they are good
at something and when they are not. If we lead them to believe
that they are good at everything, and they realize they are not,
we are no longer credible. We had to remember that everyone wants
to know when they have done a good job, but they want to know
they earned the praises. Giving our daughter a balance of praise
and suggestions on improvement has helped her become more confident
and not so hard on herself when she does not succeed.
Thirdly, and I believe this was the most difficult one for me;
I had to learn to let go a little. My daughter is now 10 years
old, and I have often felt like I was inside a fine china store
anticipating the moves of and elephant. For as far back as I can
remember I have made it my mission to anticipate and prepared
her and myself for potential problems or change. I am now learning
that some her best lessons, and times when she has felt the most
confident, is in failing and succeeding all on her own. I believe
it is for her the feeling of knowing that no one, absolutely no
one helped her beat the odds but herself. My daughter is floundering
down this road as we both get used to this new way of life. She
is anticipating my rescue, and when I delay she begins to give
up, but when I give her the little nudge of encouragement, back
onto the path she goes, and pushes through and shines with pride
at her success and now with every success, I see the hesitation
to return after defeat isn’t nearly as long.
I encourage you not to get too disheartened when
your child is struggling. All children disabled or not struggle,
and it is through the struggles, love and acceptance of their
family and friends that they become the amazing adults we had
hoped for.
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