If you get divorced are you “Choice Impaired?” Then why on earth do you call kids Attention Deficit if they simply don’t like to focus on boring things for long periods of time? First off, let me explain, that I don’t have a deficit, the Government does! Have you ever noticed that everything a doctor diagnoses you with is a negative?
I don’t mind labels, I just don’t like negative labels. I’m a guy, my mom is a girl. That is anatomically correct. Why don’t we call the kids what they really are. Notice that your ADD kid has a very high IQ? Notice how your ADD kid is doing everything fast? How about we call them “Quick Smart” instead? Would any child mind going into a classroom if over the door it said, “Quick Smart Class” instead of special needs class? Which one empowers the child and builds their self-esteem and which one demoralizes them?
I get a kick out of people telling me that their child has a “problem” with Attention Deficit. I was 39 before I found out that I also had a “problem” with ADD. Funny how I could go 39 years without a problem and now, as if by magic, I have a problem. A doctor officially diagnosed me with having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in 1994.
Now there’s a negative diagnosis if I have ever heard one. Half the words in the name of my so-called problem are identifying me as a loser. I now have a “Deficit,” I’m told! For the record, I don’t have a deficit – the federal government has that. I’m also told I have a disorder. No, I’m not disorderly. I can stand on any street corner and not get arrested for being disorderly.
So what do I have? I have a right-brain thinking apparatus. People often refer to right-brained as being creative and left-brained as being analytical. Let’s look at who says I have a problem. We’ll start with the left-brain environment called school. Don’t think it’s a left-brain environment?
I remember being told to sit quietly with my hands folded, feet together and eyes forward (brain out the window.) Sound familiar? Which part of this sounds like a creative environment? If you guessed none you get an “A.” Now we’re going to be graded on our ability to fit in and function in a world we don’t belong in or will ever get a job in when we graduate.
Let me ask you some questions. Answer truthfully. There are tall people and short people; which one is normal and fits in and which one needs to be fixed? There are left-handed people and right-handed people; which one is normal and fits in and which one needs to be fixed? One more: there are people with long attention spans and other people with short attention spans; which one is normal and fits in and which one needs to be fixed?
I’m tall, I’m right-handed, and I have a short attention span. None of these traits need to be fixed. Let’s take a look at some people whose biographies or life history indicate strong ADD or ADHD behaviors.
Famous people who appear to have ADD or ADHD behaviors.
Albert Einstein Babe Ruth Kirk Douglas Malcolm Forbes,
Harry Belafonte George Bernard Shaw Sir Isaac Newton Zsa Zsa Gabor Andrew Carnegie Sylvester Stallone Louis Pasteur Bruce Jenner Cher Henry Winkler Edgar Allan Poe Michael Jordan
Ernest Hemingway Marilyn Monroe Eleanor Roosevelt Abraham Lincoln Tom Cruise Ann Bancroft Charles Schwab Steve McQueen Leonardo da Vinci Alexander Graham Bell Tom Smothers Napoleon Bonapart Walt Disney Agatha Christie Jackie Stewart Nostradamus Henry Ford Stephen Hawkings Vincent van Gogh Gen. George Patton Galileo Eddie Rickenbacker Robin Williams John D. Rockefeller Whoopi Goldberg Bill Cosby Stevie Wonder Pete Rose Randolph Hearst Thomas Edison Beethoven Anwar Sadat “Magic” Johnson F. Scott Fitzgerald George Burns George C. Scott John F. Kennedy Benjamin Franklin Prince Charles Steven Spielberg John Lennon Danny Glover Winston Churchill James Stewart Mozart Dustin Hoffman The Wright Brothers Lindsay Wagner Pablo Picasso Robert Kennedy Dwight D. Eisenhower Jim Carrey Jerry Lewis Charlie Chaplin Terry Bradshaw Diamond Dallas Page Erich [Mancow] Muller David Neeleman
It sounds to me that if someone says that you have ADD you should consider it a compliment. In fact, looking at this very small list of possibilities it looks like without people with ADD, nothing would get done. Now let’s take some of these famous people and see what they would be like in today’s world if they were in school or trying to “fit in” at a job.
Let’s take the first guy on the list, Albert Einstein. He didn’t even speak until he was 4 years old so today they would have put him on Ritalin and locked him in a room with the learning disabled kids. Remember, he flunked 6th grade math. That’s right, he could do calculus in his head but he flunked plain old math. So into the dummy class he goes and he is given a lifetime of prescription drugs.
How about Bill Cosby? Instead of becoming a comedian, he gets a job sitting in a tollbooth all day by himself. Day in and day out he just gives change. The problem is he can’t concentrate on the mundane and he keeps losing money. So they fire him and tell anyone who asks them for a recommendation, “He’s so slow he can’t count to 50!”
One more: Walt Disney. He gets a job working in an office cubicle and spends his time daydreaming on what I refer to as “Mental HBO.” Until his boss comes by for the 10th time that day and says “Walt, pay attention, stop day dreaming, start concentrating and get to work before I fire you!”
Wait, I know I said only one more, but I’m on a roll! Babe Ruth gets a job as a CPA and his boss comes by his desk and asks, “Where’s Ruth?” To which his fellow employees say that Mr. Ruth is not back from lunch yet and it’s 1:15. “Tell Mister Ruth when he gets back to clean out his desk, we don’t want anyone working here who can’t tell time.”
You see, if you evaluate extreme right-brained people only in left-brain environments you get the wrong picture. Let’s reverse it. Let’s take some left-brained people and see how they would fit into the ADD creative world. OK?
Hold on a minute. I just hit writer’s block because I’m trying to think of some very boring, timely, regimental, stick in the mud, left-brained people with good memories who are famous. Can someone give me a hint just to get me started? There must be someone . . . .
Ok, let’s take someone we know is smart, like a college professor - how about the professor from the Gilligan’s Island TV show. Do you remember his name? I don’t. He was a nice guy, but not very exciting. Ok, so let’s say that Walt Disney lost his mind, and put old what’s – his – name (I still can’t remember his name!) in charge of his creative department for new projects. What would the outcome be? Regular Duck, Mundane Mouse, Snow Beige and the Seven Height-Impaired People. Who wants to go see the movie? Come on, let’s see those hands. Anyone, anyone at all? Why is everyone staring out the windows? Are you all daydreaming? Hey, we have a hand up! No, wait, that person said his name is Bill Gates, and when I said “windows” he said it gave him an idea.
Yes we daydream, that’s how creative people come up with ideas like figuring out how to harness electricity after watching a thunderstorm. You will find we have a low threshold of boredom. We go into what I call “Mental HBO.” Not only can I daydream while you talk to me, I can daydream while I talk to you. As a matter of fact I’m doing it right now while I’m typing because I can think of more than one thing at a time. My thoughts are multifaceted while the left-brained people are what I would diagnose as “Multiple thought impaired!”
I’m ADD and you’re “Multiple Thought Impaired.” Someone should start a charity for you. I can see the ads now: “Send in your donation for those who have never had an original thought in their life!” Someone get me Jerry Lewis’ phone number! Will he listen to me? Yes of course, and I’ll give you three guesses why. Watch one of his old movies and picture him at the tollbooth.
Is being ADD ever a problem? Is being boring ever a problem? Ok, I know what you’re thinking – “Being ADD does have some drawbacks, doesn’t it?” Yup, and being tall I sometimes bump my head. But for the sake of argument, let’s tackle some of these so-called problems that kids have with ADD.
So-called problem, he can’t sit still in school and pay attention. So what’s your point? Name one job that pays you to sit still, quietly with your hands folded, feet together and your eyes forward. Not one? So he can’t do something he’s never going to have to do in his life? Sounds like a zero problem to me. Here’s my question: do you want him to pay attention and learn or do you want him to sit quietly bound and gagged for hours on end? ADD people can learn while they’re moving around!
As far as I'm concerned being ADD is like being a bull in a china shop, there is nothing wrong with being a bull, you just don't belong in a china shop or a left-brained environment sitting at a desk being quiet. So I'm proud to be a Quick Smart Kid and have no interest in being Multiple Thought Impaired by taking drugs or putting up with behavior modification so I can be quiet and boring. I'll keep my ADD thank you.